I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
