I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
