I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
