He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
