I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize