I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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