found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
