I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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