Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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