I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
