I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
