he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
