Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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