ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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