She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
