just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
