he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
