Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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