I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
