I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
