I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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