I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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