toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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