McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
