I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
