you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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