and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
