May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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