I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think i got beer on your cat.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
