I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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