I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
