New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
