You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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