I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
