i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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