why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Damn victory sex feels great
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
