We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
