as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
