My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize