what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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