It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
