You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
