I just cut my nipple shaving
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
