Already got asked if we're dating
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
