I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
two words...techno handjob
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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