I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
