At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
