I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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