Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
