If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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