i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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