Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
