Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
being pregnant is like rehab
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize