FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
