I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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