Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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