Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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