What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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