you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When are your genitals available?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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