I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
