There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
