I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
