Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
