My room smells like vodka and shame
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My dick has a subreddit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
