ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
