You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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