I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize