I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
