im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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