just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
