She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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